words, words, words

I never realized how much I valued our western "say it as it is" approach to relationships until coming here. In Maasai culture, it is rude to say no to someone directly. So quite regularly when somebody says, "sure", "yes" or "great" when really they mean "no chance", "not likely", or "never." Obviously, dealing with this could be written off as, "adjusting to a different culture" but part of me wants to reject this practice right out. Often, this face-saving type attitude boils down to deceitfulness where people will complain about something all day but then when asked in a meeting if they agree with it, they'd nod their head like good little drones.

This especially is frustrating when we are the ones people say "yes" (but mean "no") to. We'll talk about how everybody should report daily and they all nod their heads enthusiastically. Then when it comes time to do the report, we ask "are you doing your report" "definitely." When it comes time to look at the report, what is done...nothing.

When we try to schedule a meeting we ask everybody, "does this date work" and everybody dutifully schedules it in their calendars. Then a day before the meeting, the meeting will ALWAYS (6 months running) be canceled because people can't make it.

Finally, when trying to get certain changes passed by the board, every member could have agreed to the concept of a policy, each one will vote against it when the time comes.

There are clear reasons for this type of practice and we know them as well as anybody. It's part of a system of generational respect, its a way to keep the peace when you don't agree, it's just fear of those in power etc... etc... However, we don't live in a ethnography, this is our daily life: things being said behind others' backs, of building resentment but no guts to speak out, of cruel retaliation, a climate of dishonesty.....

Sometimes we wonder...why can't you just say what you mean?